{interrupted.rtf}

[etherical_angel]

Nothing was happening. 

Like, really, it almost feels like time took a break, that’s how still it was.

Sounds started to swirl together, melding with thoughts...actually, more like crash. 

Crashing together like a big noisy traffic jam, big car pile up in lane 2, spreading to lane 3, etc etc.

"^o^/ hey! don’t fall to despair just yet!" 

"damn is that hatsune miku?"

"0 u < \ maybe!!"

"no it's not, I'm just making this shit up to interrupt from my current reality"

Now's not the time for talking to a desk figure. 

">  <' noooo i’m here to help!!really!!!at least try listening!!!!!!"

Shit. The desk figure holds a good argument.

“ok, what motivational message you got for me?”

“it’s not what you think, it’s a really good one i swear ]: i think the reason you’re feel stuck in place is because of your....”

Hey, the sun is setting. cool.

“you said you’d listen!! >:[“

Wow, that’s a lot of ducks flying by. I wonder how they make up a system like that. is it just known from birth from instinct for all ducks? Do they tell their kids? Do they tell other ducks like ‘hey, we all start flying in this direction when the sky turns a weird color’ God, these things are weird and mysterious. 

“that happens every single day, what i have to tell you is more important!!”

“yeah, but its still nice to look at.”

The last few of the ducks fly by.

Stillness is restored.

“can i continue?”

“i guess so.” 

“what i was saying was that you haven‘t been feeling much passion lately ‘^’  a start for getting back into doing something is finding Worth in it.”

“i know that, and i have been feeling passion, just not passion for the process of anything anymore.”

“hmm....what about something that doesn’t require much process? like your love of technology for example, a project for that doesn’t require any creation right away, you could start with just writing down and conceptualizing your ideas^^b”

“that still requires starting something.”

The Miku figure mentally gave off a frustrated glare, even as its face remained still. 

“yknow what!!!!i think the problem isnt that you cant do things, or that you’re afraid to do things, its that you’d rather be doing things that make you feel better instead. you’re just stubborn.”

“but i still want to do the things-”

“and yet you refuse to do the process and just do other less productive things instead. you want them finished, but you dont like the process. you value your own immediate gratification over productivity.”

“i feel like thats kinda harsh.”

“its true though!!!!!!!”

“is it really that deep? maybe im just not in the mood.”

An internally heard sigh from the figure. 

“there is no mood, we are always and forever ourselves, no matter what is happening or what time of day it is. sometimes we feel different, and mistake that for a mood, but none of that is our control.”

“but-”

“what is our control is paying attention to when we can do something, big or small. sometimes that something doesnt feel productive, but choosing to do something for the sake of our body or the sake of our mind is just as good as something for our future, but it is up to you to figure out which something you are capable of doing ^w^ ....hey, are you listening?”

God, this is a heavy conversation. 

Scrolling through social media now.

Scroll scroll scroll scroll.....

“...i really wanna argue against this. you know i do.”

“and?”

“i guess some of that is right. but its hard, yknow? being slow? not being able to do ‘big’ things as often or as fast as everyone else does. it makes me feel like i cant do them at all.”

“but you do them at some point :]”

“true, but somedays i feel like i cant even do small things. thats what fucks me up.”

“maybe your perspective of small things is too big!!”

“how so?”

“like, you associate yourself as succeeding in doing something unless its a certain amount of things, but what i’m trying to tell you is that-”

“that any amount of things is ok. yeah, i think im starting to get that.”

“hmm hey look at that post!!!! that design kinda looks like the laptop u were wanting to make, right??”

Hmm. I guess it does. 

“so that’s good inspiration!! an opportunity to try organizing your thoughts and ideas based on this!!! it’d be a great start at something productive ^^”

Text document gets opened.

The blank page is...anxiety inducing. That familiar tight chest feeling.

The sun is gone. 

“it small, its currently meaningless, but... i guess its something.”

(this story ends like it's implying that some major amount of work ended up getting done, but really the protagonist probably wrote like a couple bullet point notes and then went back to doing nothing. but i guess the point was that doing anything at all is still considered productive, and that the concept of pushing + expecting things of yourself is actually damaging your chances of getting better, as it puts expectations at an amount you know you cant currently do, even if its considered small by societies standards)